Mr. Smith

The distance for an object in motion at time(t) is given by
5(t) = 1 – 6t + 5t3
a) How far from the starting point is the object after 3 seconds?

Mr. Smith is God’s unreliable, two-faced, multi-racial faecal matter. One day the big man had too much meatloaf for dinner and out Mr. Smith came - a giant piece of shit floating in a toilet bowl that is our solar-system.

a) How far from the starting point is the object after 3 seconds?
Hopefully it’s further away than it was after 1 second.

b) What is the objects velocity at 5 seconds?
Hopefully it’s greater than it was after 1 second.

c) Calculate the objects initial acceleration...

Mr. Smith puts me up the front of the class, so my calculus ability won’t fall below the requirements set by Mr. Smith when he wrote the education system.
Mr. Smith gets me a job at the local pack n’ save - which Mr. Smith manages, stacks the shelves, and runs the checkouts at.
Mr. Smith sits beside me on the bus to school.
Mr. Smith is my principal.
Mr. Smith is my brother.
Mr. Smith is my father.
He is every male I will ever see during the rest of my short, meaningless life.

“So,” Mr. Smith says “A mechanical rabbit starts from the origin. It moves in a straight line, initially moving east. Its distance from the orig – NEIL!”

Neil Smith is talking...

“If you don’t pay attention again I’ll send you down to Mrs. Smith’s office.”

“Alright Sir.”

Neil Smith resumes his conversation.

At my desk in the classroom I can hear the female teacher’s in Math’s Resource next door. I can hear them sipping their afternoon coffee, discussing Grey’s Anatomy and their married sex live.
The Mr. Smiths in Math’s Resource are talking about rugby results and new sets of golf clubs they all purchased.

I am God’s unreliable, two-faced, multi-racial faecal matter.

I am caged.

When I drive to school, I must stick to the speed limit. If I move too far over 50km/h, I risk a fine and deduction of demerit points. Not to mention imprisonment.

When I am at school, I must attend every class. If I miss one period, I risk detentions and a letter sent home. Not to mention expulsion.

When I am speaking, I must remember to talk slowly and clearly, and use appropriate language based on the identity of the person I am talking to. If I speak informally when the situation demands that I do not, I risk loss of respect and social status.

When I am walking, I must keep my shoulders back. When I’m going out, I must dress tidily. I must take my shoes off when I enter my house. I must eat dinner using edict set by Queen Victoria. I must clean my room. I must...

If I’m not following some law – I’m following some rule.

If I’m at home, I must put the toilet seat back down after I take a piss.
Then I go to school and I mustn’t swear or be disrespectful.
Then I go to Maths and I must listen to Mr. Smith.

I am caged.

I must listen to Mr. Smith and his beaver-like face. With his giant, thick-rimmed glasses, and his greying beard.

After an extended period of time at High School, everyone attending merges into one blurry figure.
After an extended period of time living, everyone I know swirled into that blur too.

They all end up as Mr and Mrs. Smiths.